Can you be friends with an ex?

Your ex was your lover, homie, and friend at some point. You two shared A LOT and probably have some great memories together. But can you ever really go back to being ‘just friends?’

A romantic relationship ending is emotionally tiring for both parties. You have to sometimes separate physically and emotionally. You’ll need to do new things, with new people, in new ways to unblend the lives you’ve started together.

But what about when some time passes? The romantic feelings begin to fade and maybe you both move on. It’s perfectly normal to be friends with an ex? Right?

Keep reading… 

In my opinion, that is a case-by-case basis. Some people can go right back to being friends and act like it never happened. Others will always have a deep brooding romantic fire that is just waiting for new life.

One thing that is universal is allowing time to heal. If you are considering being friends with an ex, first take into account how much time has passed and what life changes have taken place. Did you both find someone new? Is he or she going through a rough patch? If you befriend your ex during a rough patch it’s likely that he/she will start to look at you romantically again because you are helping them through this rough time.

The kryptonite for most ex-to-friendships is ‘nostalgia.’ You begin to play the highlights reel of your life together and only remember what brought you so close in the first place. Rebuilding your friendship has the potential to remind you of that time. Next thing you know, a trip down memory lane is a trip down romantic lane again too. This can be SUPER dangerous if you are both involved or if the relationship was unhealthy before.

- Dee Rene

Can you be friends with an ex? I say no!

You have to ask yourself, why are you both holding on to each other and why? Can a break-up be amicable? Yes. But when you’ve moved on from your romantic relationship, the idea is that you’ll eventually find someone new right? How will this friendship hinder your new relationship?

Speaking from experience, it’s pretty rare that former lovers can be friends without harboring old feelings for each other. I mean, what are you going to do as “just friends”? Talk about your current beau? Wrong move! Kick the breeze sometime and go out for a drink? Sounds like a date to me. Or even call each other from time to time and see how your lives are going? Sounds like you’ll be reminiscing.

Don’t get me wrong, some breakups are, in fact, amicable and there’s no ill will between the two parties. But let’s be clear about something, being cordial with an ex when you just so happen to run into them is different than holding on to their friendship. In most cases, you’re holding on for a reason. Perhaps, you didn’t have proper closure. The timing may have been all wrong when you dated so you’re waiting around for when it’s right. Again, wrong move. You’re potentially putting your heart on hold for something that may be. And for those who’ve moved on to a better partner you risk hurting your present relationship for something in the pass.

Again ask yourself, how will it make your partner feel? And, is the friendship so important you’re willing to risk losing that special someone in your life? If you’ve answered yes, then why’d you both break up in the first place?

Let’s just conclude, it’s probably not the best idea.

- Ms. Toni

Are you friends with an ex??